Reflecting on Our Intelligence - December 14, 2004 - I admit I am a cynic but for the life of me, I don't understand why we are so dumb. I have to comment on two recent stories that appeared in the newspaper over the past week.

The first one was health related. "New Study Finds Sitting in Traffic Can be a Health Risk". The article goes on to state that studies have shown that anyone who spends a lot of time stuck in traffic jams breathing the exhaust from automobiles, could risk lung and other diseases in the future. DUH!! How extraordinarily brilliant and money well spent I'm sure. This would be a great study had it been done by the 3rd graders at Dreamworld Elementary School.

I'll also admit that I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree but I do know a thing or two. I know that if you walk up behind a bear and kick him in the ass, it could pose a health risk. I think I also have it figured out that if I stood in front of a pulp truck that was traveling at 50 mph it could result in conditions not favorable to good health.

Are these same people aware that going to the press and revealing these kinds of wasteful studies to the public can cause long lasting physical and psychological damage to people like me who read about them? Oh, hell, let's make a law. That would make me feel better.

Here's another one that proves that President John F. Kennedy was either an idiot or he was so far ahead of his time the rest of us Americans just humored him when it came to his far reaching dreams.

A headline in a paper reads, "School Board to Take a Closer Look at How Exercise Can Stimulate Learning". WHOA, NELLY!!!! Another taxpayer's study showed this particular school board, (and we don't want to reveal which school board it was because they are all extremely obese and upon further review, we have discovered that in fact because of lack of exercise it made them stupid) that if students are given opportunities to exercise as part of their daily education plan, it may stimulate certain chemicals in their brains and this could allow them to learn better.

"Great Caesar's Ghost", as Editor White would say. I'll be willing to wager that whoever headed up that study walks down to the corner every morning for their exercise and gets a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee and a glazed donut. BRILLIANT! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!

Come on people! We know this can't be all true. I would be willing to bet that the marketing plans for McDonalds, Burger King and ilk, weren't created while out on an early morning jog. Then again, maybe they were. I am beginning to understand how this study could be shocking to some people. It contradicts what all of us already know about certain things. Take for example, Michael Moore. Not to pick on him but he did pick on us so therefore he deserves it. Here's a man who obviously doesn't exercise or a lot of other things that most of us would consider normal everyday personal hygiene habits, and he is an intelligent man. Look at what he has done and accomplished over the past couple of years. First, there was ...............

Well, I guess maybe this isn't so contradictory after all.

This is okay? Like, what? Is this educational? I guess! I learned that anything goes when it comes to selling drugs. Drug companies got most everything cornered and if I could find my Vioxx, I could open the damned bottle of Paxil and then I wouldn't write such depressing stuff.

I wonder if the drug companies include a sign in the package the buyer can hang around their neck or someplace else it might hang well from that reads: "I have an erection - strong and long lasting"? Then you can head out to the mall.

Please, in my old age I don't have time to first locate the remote control - only to discover I can't find it until I find my glasses - and then stumble through all the buttons, again, to try to find either a mute, off, or change channel button to stop the SPAM!